Oh forgiveness. In some ways, it is my favorite topic. Although, I’ll admit this is only when it is myself who is being forgiven. Most of the time, however, this is a word that stirs up any number of emotions and resistance from me.
As a human, it is just plain hard to forgive sometimes. But with God’s help, it is possible. And it brings freedom and peace to the forgiver. Really.
Today, I would like to focus on forgiveness as it relates to pain caused by the Church. I just want to add here that I love the entire Body of Christ, and I am a huge advocate for going to your local church (see post What is “The Truth”? – Faith Justifies).
My specific painful experience happened many years ago, as I was leaving the Jehovah’s Witness organization. However, since the entire Body of Christ is made up of imperfect humans, offences are unfortunately inevitable. So, this topic could apply to many situations.
I like to break forgiveness into 3 parts.
- God forgives me
- I forgive others
- I forgive myself
In my experience, true healing requires all three.
God forgives me
One of the most beautiful promises that God offers to us is forgiveness. The God of the entire universe, the only one who has any right to hold a grudge, offers complete relief from our sins.
Psalms 103:10-12 (NIV) says:
“He does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities.
For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.”
The Bible tells us that there is no one on earth who does not fall short of the mark (Romans 3:23). But God loves those who fear him. He knows that we are made of dust (Psalms 103:13, 14). So, he sent his son to die for our sins (Romans 5:8). And he is faithful to forgive those who confess their sins to him and repent (1 John 1:8-9).
For this I am so grateful.
This leads me into one of my “favorite, not favorite” Bible lessons, the parable of the ungrateful servant in Matthew 18:21-35. It is the story of a man who owed a huge debt but was unable to repay it. Out of sheer mercy, his master forgave all that he owed. The debt free man immediately left to find another man who owed him a much smaller sum than what he had owed his master. He then demanded the man repay him, without showing any mercy.
In verse 33, the master after hearing what happened, said to the man who had owed the great debt, “Should you not have had mercy on your fellow slave, as I had mercy on you?”
It is usually at this point that I start squirming if I have some unresolved grievances that I am holding on to. It reminds me that I have no right to refuse forgiveness when my Heavenly Father has forgiven me for so much more.
I forgive others
I hinted earlier that one specific area that I struggled with happened when I left the Jehovah’s Witness organization. My leaving was not a smooth process. In fact, it was quite traumatic. I lost many of my friends and close family. To this day, those relationships have not been repaired. Even though it has been 20 years, and I have been forgiven by God.
I know that there are so many who have similar stories. My heart goes out to you. I know that pain. But with the help of God alone, you can make peace with it.
This is what helped me. Once the anger and bitterness ran its course (which is a normal part of grieving any loss), I was able to realize the following:
- My family loves me.
- They do not talk to me because they believe that it is what God wants them to do.
- Not talking to me causes them pain too.
These truths do not make the rejection less painful, but knowing their motives helps me to forgive them.
On this side of Jesus’ return, this may be all that we get. But I do believe that all will be made right when he comes back. I like to picture us in that moment; a great crowd reuniting with loved ones we have been separated from for so long.
What a beautiful day that will be.
I forgive myself
The final part of healing came when I forgave myself, as well.
The passing of time has allowed me to admit that I also had a part in this. I sinned. I made mistakes. My actions greatly hurt my family, too. I also realized that I was the one who made the choice to leave that organization. And I knew that there would be consequences when I left. So, do I really have a right to be upset with them?
I heard a beautiful quote that says, “forgiveness is letting go of the hope for a different past.” There is freedom in accepting what you cannot change.
It is also helpful to remember the good memories. After all, they happened, too. They are just as real, and they cannot be changed either. They remain yours to enjoy.
I would like to leave you with one final thought. Forgiving someone does not mean that the pain you went through doesn’t matter. Because it very much does. But to me, forgiveness is just letting God hold onto the hurt, so that we can move on and have peace.
My hope is that this brings comfort to someone today.
Until next time.
Cherie